The Deceitful Blessing

It was a fine spring day and four high school boys decided to skip school. In class the next day, they told the teacher they missed her class because their car had a flat tire. Much to their surprise the teacher just smiled and then said, "You missed a quiz yesterday. Take your seats and I'll give you a make-up exam." The boys were apprehensive as they took their seats. The teacher said, "OK, the first question is: which tire was flat?" ("Our Daily Bread", RBC Ministries: Grand Rapids Michigan, Nov. 10, 1997)

The old saying goes, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" This is a truth that deceiving others has certain unavoidable consequences. Never is this more true than in families when parents, through their daily practice, teach their children deceitful ways. To deceive means to "overreach" -- in other words, to reach beyond what is right and reach for more. This results in bitter, strained relationships. In contrast, to be honest means to be open and transparent with another. In so doing, one reveals one's heart and one's real needs. This provides an opportunity for people to develop genuine relationships and serve each other with love.

Scripture Passage: Genesis 27:1-41
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Main Thought: Through the painful consequences of deceit, God teaches us to be honest with ourselves, with others, and most importantly with Him.

Parents who favor one child over another reap the two-fold consequences of selfishness and deceit.

God's purposes can never be fulfilled when parents follow their personal preferences.

God can fulfill His plan in spite of even deceitful actions by parents or children.

"So the boys grew. And Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field; but Jacob was a mild man, dwelling in tents. And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob."(Genesis 25:27-28, NKJV)

1. Parents who favor one child over another reap the two-fold consequences of selfishness and deceit.

What a tangled web we find in the family of Isaac! Though he was a patriarch and a prophet of God, his family had some major problems. When God granted Isaac's prayer for a son with twin boys (Genesis 25:21-23), the LORD said that the firstborn son would serve the second son. This was clearly against the cultural mandate for Isaac; the firstborn son was supposed to receive the birthright and family blessing. So Isaac favored his firstborn son, Esau. Since Rebekah received this revelation of God's choice in Jacob, she favored him. The two boys grew up with parents deceiving each other in matters of raising the children.

Imagine what the boys must have witnessed in their parents:

When it was Jacob's birthday, Rebekah would put on a big celebration. Isaac would sort of sit in the corner with Esau. When Esau's birthday rolled around, Isaac would put on a big party, much to the chagrin of Rebekah and Jacob.

In matters of discipline, the two boys would surely received differing treatment for the same offense. Esau would always appeal to Isaac for relief from punishment; Jacob would, of course, turn to his mother.

Isaac would take Esau hunting and fishing while Rebekah would teach Jacob to cook and tend the animals.

In their patriarchal society, the father was the one with the power, influence, and authority. This put Esau in a privileged place. Do you think Esau ever took advantage of this position, especially when Jacob was around? Of course -- favoritism inevitably breeds selfishness in the favored child. When only one child is shown favor, the child is spoiled by the parent and does not have to work for anything. Such a child learns to despise all the family values for nothing really matters -- good behavior and bad behavior have the same consequences.

Jacob, on the other hand, must have constantly been trying to gain his father's attention and approval. Do you think Jacob ever acted deceitfully toward his father just to win some time with him? Of course -- for the unfavored child, favoritism must lead to deceitfulness. The unfavored child becomes insecure and must act in ways that are not natural in order to win favor.

Showing favor to children is good; in fact it is mandatory. But it must be given equally to all children. In this way, each child will be encouraged to rejoice in his God-given skills and preferences and work to develop in his weak areas. The child will have no need to be selfish for there will be serious consequences for misbehavior. The child will also have no need to act deceitfully to gain favor -- the acceptance of the child is always given. What children really need is the same love and acceptance given freely by both parents.

"Now it came to pass, when Isaac was old and his eyes were so dim that he could not see, that he called Esau his older son and said to him, 'My son.' And he answered him, 'Here I am.' Then he said, 'Behold now, I am old. I do not know the day of my death. Now therefore, please take your weapons, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me. And make me savory food, such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, that my soul may bless you before I die.'" (Genesis 27:1-4, NKJV)

2. God's purposes can never be fulfilled when parents follow their personal preferences.

Isaac knew of the LORD's prophetic picture of the future for his two sons. He knew that the LORD intended Jacob to be the recipient of His blessing. Yet he longed for Esau to be blessed. In spite of Esau's disdain for his family (Genesis 25:32-24), his parents desire for a spouse (Genesis 26:34-35), and for spiritual priorities (Hebrews 12:16-17), he was Isaac's firstborn son. Isaac intended to bless him instead of Jacob. He was about to learn that one cannot fulfill God's purposes by following his personal preference for Esau.

The family blessing was an important event in the life of the family. Near the end of his life, Isaac needed to pass the reins of leadership to the next generation. Traditionally, the firstborn son had a birthright -- this provided him with the family business, a double portion of the father's wealth, and authority over the family for the rest of his life. It also included a special blessing given by the father to the firstborn son. This blessing asked for God's provision and protection in his life. It also pictured a special future for the son. Many Jewish families today offer a special blessing to their children at key points in their lives.

Do your children experience your blessing? While none of us has the status of God's prophet like the patriarchs enjoyed, we can still bless our children in very meaningful ways. Gary Smalley offers this advice for the family blessing:

A family blessing begins with meaningful touching.
It continues with a spoken message of high value,
a message that pictures a special future
for the individual being blessed, and one that is based on
an active commitment to see the blessing come to pass.
(Smalley, Gary & John Trent, Ph.D.,The Blessing,
Thomas Nelson Publishers: Nashville, p.18)

Let your children experience such a blessing from you. Rather than decide their future for them, seek to be guided by the LORD in relating to each of your children individually. He will enable you to bless each of your children so that they can be at peace inside, content, and constantly assured of your love. In this way, your children will learn to trust their parents and their Heavenly Father for guidance and direction in life.

"Now Rebekah was listening when Isaac spoke to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt game and to bring it. So Rebekah spoke to Jacob her son, saying, 'Indeed I heard your father speak to Esau your brother, saying, "Bring me game and make savory food for me, that I may eat it and bless you in the presence of the LORD before my death." 'Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to what I command you. Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves. Then you shall take it to your father, that he may eat it, and that he may bless you before his death.'" 
(Genesis 27:5-10, NKJV)

3. God can fulfill His plan in spite of even deceitful actions by parents or children.

Isaac was not the only one scheming to alter God's plans. Rebekah was scheming to defeat Isaac's plans. In this highly dysfunctional family, Isaac and Rebekah had some serious control issues regarding their children. God had in mind to bless Jacob in any event. Deception was unnecessary. Rather than trust God to fulfill His promise, Rebekah went so far as to accept the curse that would certainly be called down by Isaac if he found out about their plan. (Genesis 27:13)

Rebekah's plan worked. Jacob was blessed by his father even though Isaac thought he was blessing Esau. (Genesis 27:18-29) When the real Esau arrived and realized he had missed the blessing, "...he cried with an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, 'Bless me; me also, O my father!' But he said, 'Your brother came with deceit and has taken away your blessing'" (Genesis 27:34-35, NKJV). Esau had been deceived by his brother in the matter of the birthright and in the family blessing. All too late, Esau decided that family matters DID matter.

Children are not born in a state of perfect innocence that is only tarnished by their environment. We often think of them that way when they are babies. Certainly, no one would allow anyone to say otherwise of his own baby. We must remember, though, that each child born into the human race -- born of Adam -- is born with a sinful nature. Our "natural" choice is to sin. We must be taught the ways of God with diligence and consistency. Environment certainly influences a child for good or for evil. But the choice to sin is always our own. Jacob chose to deceive his father. Esau chose to despise his family and birthright. The Bible tells us plainly that parents are to:

"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6, NKJV).

"The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother" (Proverbs 29:15, NKJV).

"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15, NKJV).

"...do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the LORD" (Ephesians 6:4, NKJV).

None of us will be perfect in the parenting department. But if we provide a solid foundation of love, truth, and discipline for our children, we will have given what is best. It is comforting to note that in spite of Isaac and Rebekah's best efforts, God worked out His plan according to His purpose for each of them. The LORD was doing quite fine before you and I came along. So, continue to point your children toward the LORD Jesus Christ. He will provide the light to perfect them, the love to protect them, and the power to bring them home.

Reflect on YOUR life: They say opposites attract. Even in families where one child is quite different from the next, each has an inner desire for love and acceptance. Though Jacob and Esau were complete opposites, Jacob still wanted his brother to treat him with respect. Families are like that. Each person needs love and acceptance that only a family can provide. That's why God designed families! Rather than favoritism, each person should accept their family members as they are, love them in their good and bad traits, and encourage them to be all that God has planned for them. Rather than deception, each person in a family should be open and honest with one another to promote deep, abiding relationships. In this way, each person can truly  bless the other.

Our Creator God loves you and wants you to know Him! If you would like to contact this ministry for further information or questions, please send your e-mail to:
Email: ministryrequest1@WordTruth.Com
Web Site: WordTruth.Com

Copyright 1999, Randy Lariscy.