How do you define conflict?

One simple way to define conflict might be this: Conflict is the opposing positions of two individuals on the same subject.  This addresses the crux of conflict -- two sides with different positions.  The disagreement may be about the who, what, when, where, why and how of an issue.  Two men may differ on whether to use a 2-iron or a 4-wood when faced with a 200 yard shot to the green in golf.  Two parties at a restaurant may disagree about who gets the table by the window.  Many husbands and wives have contradictory views on who started their last fight.  The differences may be substantive or simply incorrect perceptions.  The differences may be mutually exclusive or mutually inclusive.  The conflict lies in the incompatibility of  the two sides.

Dr. Wise defines conflict this way:

Conflict is two pieces of matter trying to occupy the same space at the same time.¹

Two pieces of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time, hence the conflict.  One piece could concede the spot to the other and the conflict would be resolved.  The two pieces could agree to alternate occupying the space.  Identifying the conflict is one thing -- Bringing the two differing parties to resolution is another.  So, unlike the first definition, Dr. Wise's definition raises the point that nothing is simple at all about conflict.  Seemingly inconsequential matters can cause enormous strife because of their seemingly impossible resolution.

Leslie B. Flynn states that:

Conflict is simply a clash of differing points of view, of opinions, of values.²

This sounds like a simple, concise statement defining conflict.  I believe it represents quite a relativistic point of view.  This definition would have us believe that conflict is always rooted in preferences rather than actual facts, substantive issues, or even truth.  Many times conflict is substantive.  Throughout history conflict has emerged when evil battles good.   This is the battle in which the church of Jesus Christ is constantly engaged.  Conflict can occur when two different real needs, as opposed to perceived needs, are mutually exclusive.  For instance, a farmer needs the river that flows through his land to water his crops.  But the county may need to dam up the river to create an adequate supply of fresh drinking water.  Each position is based on genuine needs.  The conflict is unavoidable since the two positions are irreconcilable.  So while conflict may be a result of differing points of view or opinion, it may also be caused by legitimate differences in the needs of two or more parties.

The definition by Ross Stagner presents another important aspect to our understanding of conflict:

A conflict is a situation in which two or more human beings desire goals which they perceive as being attainable by one or the other but not by both.³

Conflict, in fact very real and heart-wrenching conflict, can occur when one party perceives the goal of the other party as incompatible with his own.  A church member, for instance, may get irate when a new pastor changes the worship style to make it more contemporary.  They may both desire the church to grow.  The pastor may simply be implementing what he believes will help the church grow.  The offended member may perceive he is trying to dominate the congregation spiritually.  Because of the perceived differences, a conflict may ensue.  Even when the perception is not reality, conflict may eventually emerge and must be worked through to resolution.

So, is conflict inevitable?  Pheuman and Bruehl's definition seems to present this conclusion.  They state that conflict is:

That condition which always exists when two or more interdependent parties interact.⁴

This is a broad-brush type of statement which may actually have been stated with a bit of irony.  Individuals are different in their desires, goals, values, emotions, reasoning abilities, experiences, and preferences.  Being different does not automatically create conflict.  It certainly can be a trigger for conflict.

Nevertheless, it is entirely possible for two individuals to agree to disagree about an issue.  In one church, a man was interested in joining the fellowship.  During a meeting with the pastor, he revealed a strong conviction he held that praying with uplifted hands is the normative practice presented in the Bible.  The pastor disagreed with him on this point.  After discussing the matter, he and the pastor agreed to disagree on this one point.  The pastor also gained a concession by the prospect that he would not lift his hands while praying in the worship services so as not to offend the congregation (as is taught in Bible, "Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God--" (1 Corinthians 10:32, NIV).

Conflict is not always present where two people interact.  The Bible stresses unity in the body of Christ.

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-- just as you were called to one hope when you were called-- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:3-6, NIV)

God's word describes unity as opposed to conflict as the goal of the church.  If God commanded it, and He does so in many passages, then it must be possible for people to agree and get along with one another in the church.  It seems that conflict is frequently experienced because each of us is created by God as a unique individual.  Therefore, we each have certain peculiarities, preferences, priorities, and passions.  Rather than engage in conflict, we can choose to agree on many issues and agree to disagree on others.  In this way, the individuals in the body of Christ can each express their unique gifts and personality while remaining united as one body.

It must be noted that the issues over which we disagree must not be the essential doctrines of Christianity.  Unity is important to God.  Unity, though, must be anchored in the essential truths revealed by God in the Bible.  These essential truths are the teachings on the nature of our Triune God, the deity of the LORD Jesus Christ, His virgin birth, His sinless life, His substitutionary death on the cross for the sins of mankind, His physical bodily resurrection, and His ascension into heaven.  Discussion and debate of these teachings is essential in order to edify the church body.

On the other hand, contradiction and compromise of these essentials can never be tolerated within the church.  These are truths that millions of Christians throughout history have died defending. Compromising truth only creates and perpetuates conflict in the church for there is only one faith and one God (Ephesians 4:3-6).  Secondary issues, such as modes of baptism or the perpetuity of the spiritual gifts, should be debated while remaining friends and colaborers in Christ.  As one dear Christian observed,  "Pound the table in your debate, but pat each other on the back when you leave!"

Unity is not the absence of conflict but rather a result of believers following the example of Christ in working through conflict.  Believers acting in love with liberal doses of grace, mercy, and forgiveness can deal with conflict successfully.
 

End Notes:

1. Wise, Dr. Terry. Conflict in the Church: Workbook. Trinity College and Seminary. p.5.
2. Flynn, Leslie B.  When the Saints Come Storming In. Victor Books: Wheaton, IL. Copyright 1988. pg. 24.
3. McSwain, Larry L. and Treadwell, Jr., William C. Conflict Ministry in the Church. Broadman Press: Nashville, Tennessee. pg. 25 (quoting Ross Stagner in The Dimensions of Human Conflict. Wayne State University Press, Detroit, MI. pg. 136.).
4. Pheuman, Roy W. and Bruehl, Margaret E. Managing Conflict. Prentice-Hall: Englewood cliffs, New Jersey. Copyright 1982. pg. 3.

Our Creator God loves you and wants you to know Him! If you would like to contact this ministry for further information or questions, please send your e-mail to:
Email: ministryrequest1@WordTruth.Com
Web Site: WordTruth.Com

Copyright 5/23/2001, Randy Lariscy.