Does conflict in the church follow a particular cycle?

Oh for a world that never changed and people whose minds and behaviors were always consistent!  It would be a boring world but it would be bereft of conflict.  Conflict emerges as a potential anytime something changes.  Dr. Wise has defined a basic cycle of conflict in terms of an action, a threat realized by that action, and a resulting reaction.¹  An action itself is the initiator of conflict.

Our actions generally have some impact on other people whether we realize it or not.  A decision to age grade the Sunday School will cause changes in the organization.  Members will get new teachers, find friends in other classes, and various roles in the Sunday School will change.  This one action can start a broad cycle of conflict which involves a large group of people who first, do not like change to begin with and second, are not happy in their new assignments.  It is easy to see how this kind of action can stir up conflict.  But even smaller decisions, such as the particular style of clothes worn on Sunday, can impact others and stir up conflict.  People may perceive a particular style as too flashy or ostentatious for church.  This is particularly true if the person is in a leadership position.  Or the style may be seen as not dressy enough for an upscale suburban church. Just about any action or behavior can start a cycle of conflict.

Threats are things that happen which cause an individual or group to become concerned over personal safety, territory, values or goals.  There is no limit to the list of things which may be seen as a threat.  The reason is that an individual only has to perceive a threat for the conflict cycle to run its course.  The perception may be valid or not.  It does not matter.  All that matters is that something has happened causing an individual to feel threatened.  Consider this personal example:

          I was substitute teaching in a Sunday School class for the regular teacher who had
          been out-of-town.  He was there in the class that Sunday but knew that he would
          be unprepared to teach.  This class session was near the end of the official year.
          After class, one couple went to the class director wanting to know why their
          teacher was not going to be teaching anymore.  They had assumed a new teacher
          had started and felt threatened that their old, beloved teacher had been removed.
          It did not matter that their facts were completely wrong.  They perceived a threat
          and conflict resulted that had to be handled.

So threats are realized by an individual or group because of some action that has taken place.  The action may be perceived as a threat or it may in fact be a real threat.  Neither case has much affect on the frequency or intensity of the conflict.  It simply must be resolved.

Reactions are the resultant actions of an individual or group because of a threat.  Reactions are usually equal to or greater than the initial action, human nature being what it is.  The amount of pain, hurt feelings, or outright destruction caused by the initial action usually determines the severity of the reaction.  Here is where conflict in the church can possibly be different than between unbelievers.  Our anger or pain causes a natural desire to retaliate.  But the Spirit-filled believer does not have to respond in anger.  In fact, by definition, the response of a Spirit-filled believer will be in love -- always (Ephesians 4:15).  People sometimes think of loving response as the passive, non-confrontational kind.  But true love holds people accountable for their commitments, convicts people of sin, and will not cave in to injustice.  These are reactions which believers can have when done with a pure motive, kind words, and controlled actions.  Unbridled anger, such as displayed by an unbeliever or a believer following the desires of the flesh, will only deepen hostilities and and continue the conflict.

Dr. Wise also defines five stages that can be used to understand the degree of conflict in a given situation.²  Though it may occur rapidly, conflict usually moves through each of these stages.

Stage 1  Tension Development

Initially, all that may be noted in a situation is a certain tension or coolness or lack of cooperation among people.  It may seem harder to get things done than before.  Teamwork may lapse among a group of people.  This is the best time to confront potential conflict and attempt resolution.  At this point, nothing substantial may have happened to cause the tension and relationships may be only strained.  It may only take a private moment with the other party --  asking questions such as “Is there something wrong?” or “Have I done something to offend you?” -- to bring the issue out in the open.  If the issue is surfaced it can be dealt with at its least damaging point.
 

Stage 2  Role Dilemma

As tension grows in the conflict, angry words may be exchanged as the conflict becomes manifest to everyone.  Certain individuals will withdraw at the first sign of any hostility.  Others simply steer clear to avoid the conflicting parties.  Those directly involved in the dispute begin questioning what has gone wrong.  Questions like “Who’s in charge?” and “What is it we are really trying to accomplish?” are raised.  These questions indicate a confusion over the various roles that people have previously carried out.  The conflict raises questions over whether the system itself is broken or just the individuals involved in the conflict.
 

Stage 3  Injustice Collecting

At this stage, people have resigned themselves to the fact of conflict.  It can no longer be ignored or sidestepped.  An attitude prevails that “things will only get worse.”  People begin seriously taking sides in the dispute.  An “Us versus Them” mentality prevails.  Individuals commiserate together over their woes and enumerate the various unjust actions they perceive.  In this stage, the battle lines are drawn and people prepare for the fight.
 

Stage 4  Confrontation

When conflict reaches the confrontation stage, each person knows where he or she stands in the battle.  Open hostility breaks out.  Angry words and deeds begin to leave deep wounds.  Relationships are broken and people are deeply hurt.  Character assassination is the method used when a conflict appears unwinnable by one side or the other.  A person’s motivation in doing even the simplest things is questioned.  In the church, perhaps the greatest hurt occurs when one individual questions the very salvation of the other.  In confrontation, the issue must either be addressed in a calm, well managed approach or intense fighting will escalate.  Outright violence may be the end result of this stage if conflict is not resolved.
 

Stage 5  Adjustments

In this final stage of the conflict cycle, either the conflict was resolved or one side of the conflict gave up the fight.  Many people will choose to leave a situation or a church when the conflict appears unresolvable.  While this certainly diminishes the manifest conflict, it does nothing to deal with the issues that caused it.  At best, it postphones the conflict for a later time.  I have seen this cycle repeated in a former church where a certain group of families apparently decides it is time for a staff member to leave.  After a heartbreaking conflict, many other families leave the church in disgust.  Why is it that the individuals that are most divisive seem to be the ones to remain in a church?

In any case, when conflict is resolved, all individuals involved in the conflict must adjust to the changes.  The change may involve new staff members, different procedures, or just brokenness and attempts at reconciliation.  This would seem to be the most crucial time of the conflict.  Bitterness, jealousy, envy, and a need for revenge are difficult things for people to discontinue.  The more intense the conflict, the deeper the wounds become and the more difficult it is for them to be reconciled.  A well managed conflict would have to sensitively and meticulously scrutinize the implemented changes to assure that they are truly accepted.

People require time to forgive and reconcile with one another.  The nature of the conflict is not as critical as how it is managed.  People are cruelly capable of destroying one another over seemingly trivial things like what color to paint the children’s hall or whether or not to pad the pews in the sanctuary.  Conflict can be either constructive or destructive.  In understanding the cycle of conflict, we can better ascertain the appropriate steps to take to manage it toward a constructive resolution.
 
 

End Notes:

1. Wise, Dr. Terry. Managing Conflict. Trinity College and Seminary. Course tape 5.
2. Ibid.

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Copyright 5/23/2001, Randy Lariscy.