Question from a friend of WordTruth Press:

WordTruth Press Response:

As I read through your letter, I am quite taken aback by the grief you expressed.  Your best friend is gone and your are hurt, angry for the loss, and lonely because you miss the special relationship with your friend.  These are normal feelings to be expected in such a time.  

Although I want to, I know that I cannot sympathize with your grief because I did not know your friend the way you did.  You must move through your grieving process in your own time.  You will never forget your friend or your friendship but, over time, the grieving process can help take the "sting" out of the memories.

Your question, "Do I try to mend it with God or continue to live without?" is what I will try to help you with because it is the critical question.  I am not trying to be judgmental so if a statement here or there seems that way to you please forgive me -- it is not my intent.

Let's consider your anger first.  Anger is a reaction to this traumatic event in your life.  You usually cannot help feeling angry -- it is a response of your emotions.  How you respond in your anger makes a tremendous difference in your life.  The Bible says, "And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27, NLT).  Unresolved anger takes us down a destructive path where we hurt ourselves and others in our life.

Right now your anger is being directed toward the LORD.  You wrote, "I had no sign or feeling my whole life that made me believe that there is a God who cares."  Angela, God does care for you just as He cared for your friend.  Do you need a sign of this?  God the Father had to watch His own son die for you.  Can you imagine the anger He felt when He could have easily have destroyed both the Jews and Romans who crucified His Son?  But He chose to direct that anger toward the sin of mankind that caused it.  In so doing, Jesus Christ made it possible for all of us to be forgiven of our sins and have eternal life (a permanent relationship with the LORD).

Rather than direct your anger toward God or anyone else, you need to direct the energy of your anger toward solving the real problem.  You blame God for your friend's death.  I don't know the circumstances behind her passing but I doubt that God specifically took her out.  More likely she succumbed to disease or an accident.  If that is the case, then you are unfairly blaming God for something He did not do.  I am sure you would not want to be unjustly blamed.  If that is a result of your anger, then you do need to "mend things with God" as you said.  God loves you and desparately wants to have fellowship with you.  But you must take responsibility for how you respond to your anger.

Perhaps your anger is that God could have intervened to save your friend but He did not.  I understand that frustration, believe me.  I have had several heart-breaking situations where the child of a friend caught some kind of virus and died very suddenly.  All the prayers and pleadings seem to have gone unheard.  Why didn't God save that child?  And why didn’t God save your friend?  There is no answer to that question.  All we can bank on is the fact of God's awesome love for each one of us.  His ways are so far greater than ours and absolutely perfect and just as well.  In your grief, it is hard to accept that I know.  That is a point where faith comes in.  You must choose to believe the truth that God has revealed about Himself in a time when all seems lost.  As Spurgeon once said, "When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."  We give thanks to the LORD because He is good and His love endures forever (Psalm 107:1).  Even in your grief, begin to offer thanks to God for His goodness and His love.  Walking by faith in this way will help you deal with your grief.

In your grief, you have also given up on God.  OK, but know that God has not given up on you.  "If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny himself" (2 Timothy 2:13, NLT).  God is ... And He is still at work in your life to bring you back to the place of joy and contentment.  You are just not there yet until you deal with your anger in a righteous way.  After that, I think there is still some work to do.

Find someone to talk to about your friend's life.  Ask them for their help as you work through your grief.  Find someone who will listen with compassion to the stories of how you two met, the joys and the sorrows you experienced, the hopes and dreams you both had.  Part of the benefit of the grieving process is that it helps you put these memories in perspective.  You do not have to forget your friend to move on in life.  Neither do you have to continue feeling sad about your loss.  But remember the times you had together as a precious gift from God.  

Think of how your friend would have wanted you to live after she was gone.  Would she be happy with your decisions since her passing?  Would she be pleased with how you are living?  Do you think she would want you to blame God or keep trusting in Him during the dark times?  I know not the answer to that question but I think if you spend some time honestly working through that question, you may find a spark that can lead you back to where you need to be and, I think, really want to be.

I hope this is some food for thought.  If you would like to dialog further on this, please feel free to write again.  If there is any way I can help I will.  I will be praying for you that you can work through the pain and once again live with passion and joy and faith.

May God bless you with His wisdom and the courage to follow Jesus!

Rev. Randy Lariscy :-)
President - WordTruth Press℠
 

©  Copyright 4/10/2004, Randy Lariscy.