Passionate Living

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12, NKJV).

It was Thomas Carlyle who said, “Show me the man you honor and I will know what kind of man you are.”[1]

Q: How many of you still have one or both of your parents alive? 

This command to honor our parents is critically important for our families and even more so for our nation, as we will see going through the Bible study today.

1. Understanding the Commandment

Let us first try to understand what this commandment says and what it promises.  We will study this verse in context and compare Scripture with Scripture to glean all we can from what the LORD has said.

a. Relationship to the other commandments

The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20) are part of the Law (or the Law of Moses) given to Israel as they approached the promised land.  These were the commands for the descendents of Abraham chosen by God to reveal His holiness to the whole world.  They can be categorized into two parts:

• Vertical relationship with God (Commands 1-4)
• Horizontal relationships with others (Commands 5-10)

The commands to put God first, avoid idols, exalt the name of the LORD, and to remember the Sabbath are all commands that specifically address that vertical dimension of our spiritual life.  The remaining commands deal with how we relate to others.  While we tend to think of the Ten Commandments in terms of what we should or should not do, both the first command and the last one deal with our inner attitude and mindset.  The first is making worship and service of the LORD Jesus the priority in our lives and the last deals with our attitude toward the possessions of others.  Both of these commands are “heart” issues on the inside that profoundly affect what we do.  Over the long haul, belief drives our behavior.  So the Ten Commandments start and end with the right “heart” or inner attitude toward God and people.

In the New Testament, we find this commandment specifically addressed to believers in the book of Ephesians:

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: 3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3, NKJV)

So it was not only a command given to Israel but a command for those who are in Christ as well.  And it is a command with a remarkable promise.

b. Defining “honor”

Q: So what words would help us to define the concept of “honor”?

• Acknowledgement
• Respect
• Put needs of others first
• Gratitude
• Admiration
• Obedience
• Submission
• Listen to them
• Think well of them (as well as you can)

Q: As a rule, who honors their parents more – younger children or teenagers? Why?

• Younger children – are still in a dependent state.
• Teenagers tend to believe they are smarter and will live forever – thinking and certainly wishing they are in an independent state.

A friend often told me about the problems he had getting his son to clean his room. The son would always agree to tidy up, but then wouldn’t follow through. After high school the young man joined the Marine Corps. When he came home for leave after basic training, his father asked him what he had learned in the service. “Dad,” he said. “I learned what ‘now’ means.” [2]

c. The expanded promise

In Exodus 20:12, the promise is “that your days may be long upon the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

Deuteronomy is a book written by Moses shortly before his death.  It is a reflection on the Law after forty years of practicing it as the Israelites wandered through the desert.  The Ten Commandments are recited and then applied to both general and specific situations the Israelites had or would face.  In Deuteronomy 5:16, the promise is expanded: “that your days may be long and that it may be well with you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”  Deuteronomy 6:1-3 makes it clear these were material blessings for Israel:

1 "Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the LORD your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess, 2 that you may fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. 3 Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the LORD God of your fathers has promised you--"a land flowing with milk and honey.' (Deuteronomy 6:1-3, NKJV)

So both length of days and quality of life were promised to the Israelites if they obeyed the LORD in the promised land.  The New Testament quotes the passage in Deuteronomy, giving this expanded promise.

Q: Reading this passage in Ephesians 6:1-3, does this mean that Christians will live into their 100’s and be prosperous all their days if they simply honor their parents?

• No, not exactly.  If you honored your parents and then murdered someone, you would rightly be put to death.
• There were many other commands given to Israel in addition to this one, including the other nine of the Ten Commandments.
• The same is true for Christians – such as the two most important being to love the LORD with everything you have and to love others with the same love you have received from the LORD Jesus (Mark 12:29-31, John 13:34-35).
• It does mean that one who honors his parents will have respect for authority – both God and man.  He will not have his days cut short on this earth for rebellious behavior nor will he lack the necessities of life from forsaking his family. 
• Those who dishonor their parents will find life to be hard for them.

Though a sinner does evil a hundred times, and his days are prolonged, yet I surely know that it will be well with those who fear God, who fear before Him. (Ecclesiastes 8:12, NKJV)

d. Issue of material blessings promised to Israel

When God chose Abraham to become the father of a mighty nation called Israel, He gave them specific commandments and promises.  Many of these promises included material blessings – health, wealth, protection, etc.  It is important for the Christian to study carefully to avoid claiming a promise that God gave to Israel – the unfortunate result is that your faith would be damaged when it appears to you that God failed to keep His promise. 

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.  Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19, NIV)

Q: God gave material promises to Israel – does that mean that Christians are cheated because we did not get the same promises?

• No, in Christ we have better promises.
• There are specific material blessings for Christians – Matthew 6:33 and other verses tell us that God will meet our needs if we seek His will and follow Jesus.
• Even better, God has given us every spiritual blessing in Christ:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. (Ephesians 1:3, NKJV).

Q: Can a limited number of temporary material blessings in any way compare to every single spiritual blessing there is from God?

2. Applying the Commandment

Now that we understand what God was trying to communicate, we need to understand how to put it into practice – and then do it!

a. Positive Examples

• Jesus toward His parents after the incident in the Temple (Luke 2:51-52) – honoring good parents.
• Two of Noah’s sons, Shem and Japeth, toward Noah in his shameful, drunken state (Genesis 9:20-23, 26-27) – honoring shameful parent.
• Jacob to his father-in-law, Laban (Genesis 31) – honoring unjust parent.

Q: Which of you would like to share with us some positive examples of how you have honored your parents?

b. Negative Examples

• Jacob & Esau toward their father, Isaac (Esau - Genesis 25:29-34; Jacob – 27:22-24).
• The sons of Eli the Priest (1 Samuel 2:12-29).

Q: Does honoring your parents stop when you get married (ref. Genesis 2:24)?

• Your relationship with your parents changes as you establish your own home.  Your parents no longer rule over you.

• Yet you should never stop honoring your parents who brought you into the world and raised you into adulthood.

c. Importance of honoring our parents

• To you – your spiritual well-being depends on honoring your parents.  God put your parents in charge of you to love you (of course) but specifically to teach you about the LORD and help discipline your life around God’s commandments (Ephesians 6:4). If you cannot give honor to earthly father, you will find it hard to honor your Heavenly Father.  Learning to submit to the authority of God and seeking wise counsel from Him begins in the home as you do this with your earthly father.
• To the family – holds the family together.  A family with children who intentionally dishonor their parents will be torn apart by the strife.  You reap what you sow – you reap more than you sow and later than you sow (Galatians 6:7-8).
• To the nation – Israel was “spewed” from the promised land for many transgressions against God but guess which one is specifically mentioned?

6 "Look, the princes of Israel: each one has used his power to shed blood in you. 7 In you they have made light [dishonored] of father and mother; in your midst they have oppressed the stranger; in you they have mistreated the fatherless and the widow. 8 You have despised My holy things and profaned My Sabbaths … 14 Can your heart endure, or can your hands remain strong, in the days when I shall deal with you? I, the LORD, have spoken, and will do it. 15 I will scatter you among the nations, disperse you throughout the countries, and remove your filthiness completely from you. (Ezekiel 22:6-8, 14-15, NKJV)

End Notes