Eating Humble Pie

Scripture Passage: James 4:1-17

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I
expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Intrigued, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new Bathroom Scale. ☺

Ed has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

Well, our relationships sometimes resemble Ed and his wife.  They get totally unbalanced because of issues we bring into the relationship or create in the relationship. 

Ed needs a better relationship - and so do we.  Relationships are dynamic and alive, never static.  There is always room to grow and improve.  So how can we build right relationships with one another?

Our Bible text today (James 4:1-17) shows us four common barriers to right relationships.  Fortunately, it also shows us the one path to wholeness.

Outline:

Main Point:  When we humbly seek God and rely upon His grace, we can learn to build right relationships.

1. Never Enough For Me

¹ What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  (James 4:1-3, NIV)

What is the origin of most fights? 

• You want what you want when you want it.

It only takes one party to start a fight.  How many does it take to end it?

• One person could walk away ... if you can get far enough away from the other angry person.

If we are talking about a relationship with someone, then it takes more than one person to end a fight. 

The absence of fighting is not the same as the presence of relationship.

Two people can live in the same house and not fight - and not have a relationship either!  The Bible says:

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3, NIV)

What is the alternative to fighting with each other over your own selfish desires?

Option 1 is to continue fighting.  Option 2 is to fight for unity.  God provides the Holy Spirit to grant us love, joy, peace ... and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  By His Spirit we can fight a good fight - to become united in our faith, our goals, our priorities, and even our desires.

Human nature being what it is, relationships take work.  And a good relationship will require a fight - as long as it is a good fight for unity.

2. Error in Judgment

¹¹ Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. ¹² There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

 (James 4:11-12, NIV)

There are different forms of judgment.  There is the judge with the black robe who sits in judgment in a court of law.  There is the judgment of what outfit to wear on any given day and which lane you will drive in on your way to work.  There are also judgments of the actions of people as being morally good or bad.  We make all kinds of judgments every day. 

Verse 12 says, "who are you to judge your neighbor?"  So what kind of judgment are we talking about here?

Since James mentions in verse 12 the One and only Lawgiver and Judge (God), we must conclude that the kind of judgment is one of right versus wrong.  This kind of judgment is one that, ultimately, only God can make.  But it is one that enters into our relationships nearly every day.

A farmer had a nice 40 acres of land planted with all manner of fruits and vegetables.  A nice creek ran through his land making the soil rich and fertile.  Many people in the town nearby benefited from his produce.  Upstream from the farmer, a cattleman raised many steer.  In a particularly dry summer, the cattleman diverted the creek to provide enough water for his animals.  The farmer got into a huge fight with the cattleman and told him he was WRONG and had to let the creek water flow downstream as it always had.  Actually he used many "colorful metaphors" but you get the point.  He was very angry and sure he was right and the cattleman was wrong.

Was the cattleman wrong to divert the creek - after all it went through his land?

• Here there are two competing needs.
• They are both legitimate, legal needs.

It is not an issue of one being right and the other wrong.  But that is precisely how we deal with many issues in our own relationships.

Is it important to you to determine who is right and who is wrong when you have a fight?

When we have a conflict with another, we say many things we usually regret.  The "slander" in verse 11 means the false and malicious words you say about another.  It represents a judgment about the other person.

If you are going to love one another, then we must rid ourselves of this kind of thinking that "I'm right/you are wrong." 

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
(1 Cor 13:4-8, NIV)

Do not ever worry about having to be "right" - instead insist on "righteousness."

3. Bragging Rights

¹³ Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." ¹⁶ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. (James 4:13-17, NIV)

For some reason, people always seem to want "bragging rights."  People want to be able to distinguish themselves from everyone else by their possessions or by their activities or their looks - in some way, they must let everyone else know they are better in some way.  This kind of attitude brings great division among people along with bitterness and strife.

Imagine if such boasting were accompanied by a special reality check.  You bring your neighbors over to your house to show off your gigantic flat-screen TV in high-definition video.  As they gather around it and marvel at its remarkably clear screen, it suddenly vanishes!

Sound crazy, eh?  Well, maybe not so crazy because that's the point that James is making here: 

"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14, NIV)

In the context of eternal life, our time here on Earth is brief indeed.  We are literally here but for a moment.  On top of that, no one knows just how long your "moment" will last.  Boasting and bragging about yourself is hardly the way to spend the little time we have here on Earth.

Remember, this time on Earth is not about you - it is about Him, our LORD Jesus.  He could have just taken us to Heaven when we put our faith in Him.  But He did not.  Instead He left us here for a purpose - the very same purpose that was His in His Earthly mission:

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost. (Luke 19:10, NIV)

And that is our mission as well: to seek and to save the lost.  There is no other reason for us remaining here on Earth.  All of the things we consider spiritual - worship, prayer, ministry, fellowship, discipleship - can be conducted in Heaven.  In fact, these things can be done much better in Heaven!  Evangelism is the only ministry that cannot be done in Heaven.

Is it not time to put an end to the divisions created by our boasting and bragging so that we can carry on the real reason for our being here?

4. Loving the World More Than God

⁴ You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?  (James 4:4-5, NIV)

Is it wrong to love cars or sports or beautiful furnishings?

It really depends on what kind of love is being discussed.  On the one hand, a person who says, "I love my truck," probably just means that affectionate kind of love for something familiar, reliable, or pleasant looking.  Nothing wrong with that.  On the other hand, a person who spends the family grocery money on accessories and cleaning of the truck is clearly in the wrong.  You cannot allow your family to suffer because of your preoccupation with a car or truck.

The same could be said for beautiful home furnishings.  It is one thing to try to decorate you house in a nice way for yourself and for those to whom you show hospitality.  It is quite another thing to put the family in crushing debt just to satisfy your need for new things.

Are you friends with the world (James 4:4)? 

What does this really mean anyway?  I mean, we are living in the world, right?  First let us understand what we mean when we say "the world."  The Greek word "kosmos" is translated world and can be used in a wide variety of ways.  It could refer to the Earth, its inhabitants, and could be used literally or figuratively.¹

In this context, James is talking about the horrible way that people are relating to one another with quarrels and fights driven by wrong attitudes and motives.  So the "friendship with the world" would indicate the ways of the world, specifically the people in the world who act this way.

Does this mean I should not be friends with anyone in the world?  Well, no.  But you should always consider carefully the people you will relate to as a close friend versus an acquaintance.  One who is always divisive and causing trouble could hardly be counted on to be a close friend.

The righteous should choose his friends carefully,
For the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26, NKJV)

Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV)

Loving the world and the ways of the world more than you love God puts you in a very bad spot.  You become an enemy of God.  I have had many enemies over the years but none could hurt me the way God could.  And none of them could love me the way God loves me either.

The Bible says, "The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever" (1 John 2:17, NIV).

So how do we deal with these four barriers to right relationships.  What is it that can take us along the path to wholeness in our relationships?

5. Finding Grace Through Humility

⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." ⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

 (James 4:6-10, NIV)

You can never have right relationships with people without a right relationship with God.  Bad motives and attitudes toward people - pride, boasting, anger and covetousness - can never bring you close to God.  And without a close relationship with God, you will never be able to draw close to people.  Your heart will be conflicted with selfishness and pride and keep you from relating to people with grace and kindness.

One of the most remarkable verses in the Bible and so often overlooked is the first part of verse 6:  "But he gives us more grace" (James 4:6a, NIV).  Wow, no matter what I've done, God offers me grace.  No matter how many times I fail, God offers more grace.  There is always "more" grace in a relationship with God.  Under one condition:  humility.

The proud man will not get grace for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6b, NIV).  God is the Creator of all and He is on the throne.  If you place yourself on the throne of your life, you will have a fool for a king.  You can never approach God with your own agenda, impure motives, or a blind eye toward your own shortcomings.   He gets to write the laws and enforce them.  God sees it all and knows all.

Fortunately, God does not charge us to enter into a relationship with Him.  And when we have failed, He does not require that we clean up our act or beat ourselves up to be friends with Him.  Here is how you can have a right relationship with your Creator God:

• Submit to God (specifically to God's will).
• Resist the devil's will.
• Come near to God (Approach God seeking His friendship).
• Wash, purify, grieve, mourn, wail - Acknowledge your shortcomings (sin) to God.
• Humble yourself before Him (acknowledge before Him His position as ruler of all and specifically ruler of your life).

If you truly humble yourself before God, you will never need to elevate yourself above anyone else.  If you live in submission to the One who owns it all, rules all, and blesses all who obey, you will have no need for boasting, covetousness, or self-righteous judgment. 

When we humbly seek God and rely upon His grace, we can build right relationships - even with difficult people.  Learn to relate to other people as "one beggar showing another beggar where to find bread."

Remember to share the "Bread of Life [Jesus Christ]" (John 6:35, NIV) with the people that God puts in your path. 

End Notes

¹ Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright © 1994, 2003, 2006 Biblesoft, Inc. and International Bible Translators, Inc.