A Responsible Father

Has the job of a father changed over the years? As we enter into the new millennium, what should be the job of a father for today's family?

There was a first century church at Thessalonica that was exposed to several false Bible teachers. The many troublesome doctrines caused such problems in that church that they wrote to the Apostle Paul for guidance. Paul's letter to them is the book of 1 Thessalonians. In this letter, Paul explains the truth to counter the false teachings this church had heard. Paul also has to defend the integrity of his ministry among the church with the following statement:

You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory. (1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, NIV)

In this defense of his ministry, Paul compares his ministry to the church at Thessalonica to that of a father with his children. In this Scripture passage, Paul gives a concise statement of the father's job:

To deal with your children (discipline).
To encourage your children.
To comfort your children.
To urge your children to lead a worthy life.

1. To deal with your children (discipline).

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children… (1 Thessalonians 2:11, NIV)

A responsible father will deal with his own children as the Bible indicates. Paul wrote this to a church he helped to establish during a missionary journey. He reminded the people there of his lifestyle among them. "You are witnesses and so is God, of how holy, righteous, and blameless we were among you" (1 Thessalonians 2:10, NIV). These people knew how Paul lived among them and how he loved them. As a result, they were willing to listen to Paul's instruction.

If you are deeply loved by someone who lives a righteous life before your eyes, does that person have your respect? Do you listen to such a person? You should be listening to such people. God has placed them before you as His instrument to train you in holy living. When a person lives his or her life for Christ and loves you deeply, it is not hard to respond with respect and attention. These two things will be a natural response.

Fathers, let this be a word of encouragement to you. Your children may not seem to listen today. But your children will know if you love them and they will see the life you live. Keep going on that course. You will have a tremendous positive impact on your children.

Paul had to deal with the people in this church on several matters of concern. His dealings with them involved discipline. Discipline is a critical job for a father to manage in the family.

A. Discipline - can be delegated but not abdicated.

Raising children requires both a mother and a father. But the father has the God-given responsibility for the family unit.

He is responsible for caring for the family: "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place" (Deuteronomy 1:31, NIV; ref. Job 31:18).
He is responsible for his wife: "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior" (Ephesians 5:23, NIV; ref. 1 Cor. 11:3).
He is to be honored by his children: "Honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12, NIV).
He is responsible for discipline in the family: "The LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in" (Proverbs 3:12, NIV; ref. 1 Thessalonians 2:11).

A key responsibility of the father is to establish discipline in the home. You can delegate part of that task to your wife. But you cannot escape the responsibility. Remember when Eve sinned against God in the Garden of Eden? Whose name did God call to give an account? It was Adam not Eve (Genesis 3:9). The father will have to give an account to God for his family.

So fathers, take responsibility for leading your family.

Start by accepting the grace of God, for you will need much grace to lead your family.
Seek to live a righteous life that honors God, your Father in Heaven.
Seek God's wisdom and direction for your life.
Seek His will for your family.

As your own family witnesses your holy living, they will respond to your leadership. Righteousness earns you the right to lead and discipline.

B. Discipline does not mean you become a dictator.

Discipline requires grace. Just do not let yourself become a dictator to the child. Children are not adults and cannot be expected to act like adults. It is impossible to command your children to be obedient. You must discipline them.

Discipline is a word taken from the same root word for disciple, which means a learner. Discipline is a process of training and instructing your child about God and His will for your life. This is what Paul was doing at the church in Thessalonica. This is what a father is to do for his family. The Bible makes it clear that fathers are not to provoke your children to anger by harsh and unfair treatment. Instead you are to train and instruct them in righteous living (Ephesians 6:4).

Discipline involves instruction in right behavior as well as the boundaries of right and wrong. To discipline your child well, be sure to set boundaries ahead of time. For instance:

If you are going to an unsafe area, tell your children beforehand that they must hold your hand. If they let go, they may get hurt. Do not simply grab their hand when you get there and get angry when they pull away. The child must know the right behavior and the boundary.
If your child is old enough to play outside by himself, tell him before he leaves to be home at a certain time. Tell him also the consequences if he is late. This way there is no confusion in the child's mind what to do and why to do it.

Also, discipline is not punishment. When a child misbehaves, the parent is usually embarrassed and disappointed. This makes the parent angry. The temptation is to shout or scream or spank the child. Basically you punish your child because you are angry. Discipline is not like this at all.

To discipline a child that misbehaves, you must be disciplined in your approach. Explain what the child did wrong, and explain the boundary again. Then, punishment needs to be appropriate for the child's age and equal to the seriousness of the offense. When a child knows the boundary and misbehaves anyway, you may even need to spank the child. Be sure to do so with the intent of correcting the behavior not to take out your anger on the child.

Deal with your own children as a responsible father should. Establish a home where discipline is practiced and good behavior is expected.

2. To encourage your children.

as a father deals with his own children, encouraging... (1 Thessalonians 2:11, NIV)

Another important job for a father is to encourage your children. Children are trying to grow up and understand a very complex world. They make many mistakes along the way. Encouragement is the key to keeping them headed in the right direction.

To be an encourager, the father will be much like a cheerleader at a football game. Cheerleaders encourage the football team to do their best. A father should encourage a child to do his or her best. Be your child's best cheerleader. Encouragement is a positive word that offers praise and hope to your child. Consider how you speak to your child:

Are your words more positive or negative? Do you spend more time saying "Don't do that!" or "try this instead…"?
Do you praise your child saying, "you did a good job!" or do you criticize by saying, "You could have done better"?
If you add up the words you spoke to your child last week, would there be more praise or criticism?

Children need a positive attitude toward life. Your encouragement will do more to shape your child's positive attitude toward life than anything else. As the Bible tells us, "Let your conversation be always full of grace … so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Colossians 4:6, NIV).

How can a father encourage his children? Recognize that these things apply to you even if you are not a father. You can be an encourager to others!

Encouragement gives strength to the weary. It lifts up the spirit of one who is sad or depressed. Fathers, encourage your children that even though things seem bad today, they are not always going to be that way. Encouragement brings hope.
Through encouragement, you recognize when your child has failed. But let your child know that no matter what happens, no matter what you do, you are still my son or daughter. Encouragement brings grace.
Fathers, encourage your children by letting them know you will help them become all that they can become in Christ. Encouragement brings love.
Encourage your children with the knowledge that God has a special plan for them in this world. Encouragement brings faith.

Be a responsible father who deals with his own children by encouragement!

3. To comfort your children.

as a father deals with his own children … comforting … (1 Thessalonians 2:11, NIV)

Normally, we think of the mother in the family giving comfort or compassion to a child. We all know that when a child is sick, the child usually wants his mother. As we noted on Mother's Day, the mother does reflect the compassion of God to the family in a very real way. Yet the father is also called to provide comfort. Consider the following Bible passages:

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:13-14, NIV)
The LORD God, who is called "our Father in Heaven" (Matthew 6:9, NIV), is also called the "Father of compassion and the God of all comfort" (2 Corinthians 1:3, NIV).

Clearly the father is provide comfort to his children. Fathers, never let your need to be "strong" keep you from giving comfort and compassion to your children. They need to know they can come to you for comfort when they are hurt, or sad, or sick.

Fathers provide comfort to the children in other ways also. Consider the description of the LORD as a good shepherd:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4, NIV)

The rod and staff were instruments of guidance and protection for the sheep. There is great comfort in knowing that someone good is guiding you and protecting you at all times. Fathers, you can comfort your family by providing this same guidance and protection. Such comfort brings stability to the family. Your protection gives comfort from a sometimes cruel world. Your guidance gives comforts a child rather than confusion.

The LORD is our God of all comfort. Because God gives you comfort during your time of trouble, you can then give that same comfort to others (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Be a responsible father who deals with his own children by giving comfort!

4. To urge your children to lead a worthy life.

as a father deals with his own children, … urging you to live lives worthy of God… (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, NIV)

Finally, the Bible teaches that a responsible father will urge his children to live a worthy life before God.

Now what exactly is "worthy" of God? The Bible reveals that God is worthy of all glory, honor, and praise (Revelation 4:8-9). He is the One who created all things by His awesome wisdom and power. We worship because worship has to do with worth or value. Worship is our response to God's worth or value. Since His worth is of infinite value, worship should be our lifelong response to God.

Yet it is God "who calls you into His kingdom and glory" (1 Thessalonians 2:12, NIV). Since God is of such great value, His kingdom is also of great value. What is your response to God calling you into His kingdom and glory?

Your life needs to be given to Him as an act of worship because He is worthy:

This means you should turn from your sins and trust in our LORD Jesus Christ.
He lived a holy life and then died on a cross to pay the penalty for your sins.
On the third day He rose from the dead to prove He is the LORD with the authority to forgive your sins.
His promise is that if you believe in Him, you will be given eternal life in Heaven.

Your life needs to be lived for Him because He is worthy.

Ask for His grace to pursue righteous living.
Ask for His grace to say no to wickedness.
Ask for the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom and power to accomplish His purpose for your life.

These are your responses to the One true God who is worthy of your life, indeed your every breath. As a father, this is what you are to urge your children to do also.

Make sure your children understand the worth and value of God. Help them to see the glorious way that God deals with us in grace, love, wisdom, and righteousness. Help them to see that God keeps His promises -- always!

Urging your children to spiritual growth is a worthy task. When you make it clear to them that God is worthy, then the response of a worthy life will be obvious.

The world wants your child to fail in matters of faith. Be a responsible father who deals with his own children by urging your child to grow in faith, to live a life that counts for the kingdom of God. Such is the God-given job of a responsible father.