Building Healthier Relationships

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.
(Philemon 1:7, NIV)

Did you ever notice that women tend to develop deeper friendships than men? Two women can spend a few minutes together and cover much of their life history while two men barely get past the latest sports news. Men tend to shy away from deeply personal relationships. As we have grown up, us menfolk tend to pursue friendships in group settings - on the playground, at the ball field, and later in life at the gym, at the local health facility, even in pubs and social clubs.

What does all this have to do with the book of "Philemon" in the Bible? This short letter by the Apostle Paul to his friend, Philemon, illustrates several key principles we menfolk can put into practice to help develop healthier relationships - with our wives, our children, our boss, with anyone. If you read Philemon (only 25 verses long), you can see these principles at work and how each of us can apply them to our relationships:

Addressing others Paul addresses Philemon on his level - not as the big shot Apostle commanding him...but as "Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus...To Philemon our dear friend and fellow worker" (v.1).

Bless them Paul starts out by blessing Philemon and thanking him for his faith and "your love for all the saints" (v. 5). When was the last time you blessed your boss? Yes, it might raise a few eyebrows, but a sincere "Thank You" is always appreciated.

Encourage them Paul lets Philemon know that he is praying for him. He also lets Philemon know that his love is not without effect: "because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints" (v. 7). It sure is nice to hear someone say you've made a difference in their life.

Appeal in love Whenever we interact with others we must do so "on the basis of love" (v. 9). This is a direct command of our Lord Jesus Christ (John 13:34-35) and in His words the greatest of the commandments: to love the Lord God and to love one another. This kind of love is made possible only through faith in Jesus Christ as LORD and Savior. On our own, we cannot unselfishly love anyone else.

Brag about them Paul tells Philemon how important Onesimus is to him "my very heart" (v. 12) and that "...he has become useful both to you and to me" (v. 11). Brag about someone you love, be it your wife or husband or child. Brag about something they have done or some nice attribute they possess. Just see if that doesn't greatly enhance your relationships.

Pledge your help Friendship with words alone will not endure. "If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me" (v. 18). Paul offers to pay back any monies that Onesimus may have taken, even though he had no part in the trouble Onesimus had caused.

This is the tremendous offer Jesus has for us - to completely pay off our sin debt to God through His atoning work on the cross at Calvary. "Repent, then, and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out" (Acts 3:19). Trust Jesus to wipe the slate clean - and then use these principles in all your relationships. See what a difference it can make!